A good friend of mine has inspired the Guru today. Please check out her blog to see what I mean. She is fantastic.

On Thursday, July 29, 2010, NattyDiP writes a beautiful exploratory piece on religion and its place in her life as well as her marriage. As I, the Guru,  read this, a topic worth exploring was born.

How much role does our spiritual and religious persuasion impact our relationships with our significant others?

Throughout history, we’ve seen couples of the most diametric relationships come together as a union. How successful were they? How did they raise their children? Did these diverse beliefs impinge on the value or success of their relationship?

Valid questions, indeed, my followers. RelatnshpGuru is about to explore this.

The first question to ask oneself:

How important are my religious/spiritual/existential beliefs to myself?

Without knowing their own significance in your life, its hard to make a judgement call on how this may affect your relationship quest. Defining your own personal frame will help you to square away qualities that you may enjoy in another person.

important question #2:

If my partner’s beliefs are polar opposite to mine, how will I feel? Can I respect that?

If you are a “good Christian” woman who has found a fabulous man, yet, you come to find out that he worships a toothpick in an olive stuck inside a wedge of cheese.. How are you going to feel about that? Could you respect that?

Of course further down the line, question #3:

If this goes far enough, how would I raise my children? How will he raise his children? Can we meet somewhere in the middle?

Crucial, if religion/spirituality is important to you. Deciding upon a common ground to stand on will make raising your flock a bit easier. Which holidays are important to you, how about to them? Will you incorporate teachings from both belief systems?

The Guru believes this comes down to a good deal of self exploration. Exploring, understanding and deciding upon your own values helps to shape which partners you will pursue and what ones you will not. So get to exploring, my friends, find out who you are so that you can be happy with yourself and therefore find someone to be happy with!

Smooch!

RelatnshpGuru

Recently, a friend of The Guru‘s was describing a trend in Leagues. “Hot,” average intelligence young women are dating many of the “average,” intelligent young men. Why the match? Is it a turn on for young men to have a pretty, but not so even matched in intelligence, date? Self-esteem booster some might say. Or, are attractive women dating less attractive men to make themselves feel superior? Are we using each other’s “Leagues” for our own benefit?

The mystery of the “League” phenomenon, as Guru will call it, has plagued the dating scene for a longer time than bread has been sliced. Look at children’s tales for one. Cinderella played around in ash, washed up a bit and ended up getting that Prince to bring her a glass pump. Aladdin stole bread for himself and a squeeky monkey, put on a fun turban and won the heart of a fabulously coifed Princess Jasmine. As children, many kids are taught that leaving their “League” gets them more opportunity, more recognition and better treatment. Does it? Or could it create more problems?

Some might argue that tipping the scales creates an imbalance in nature, leaving more and more people out of the dating sphere. This could ring true, but RelatnshpGuru won’t let you believe it….

RelatnshpGuru is a true believer that inter-”League” or out-of-”League” dating is mere phenomenon of a desire for genetic variety. Every human hunts for someone who has a pheromone that screams, “IF WE MAKE BABIES, I WANT THEM HEALTHY!!!” We humans choose ultimate mates who will help us procreate something that will survive. Hence, Leagues and the choice to trade up or down.

But, you my sweet reader, must ask: Where does this leave those who are having their own “league” pillaged by interlopers?!  RelatnshpGuru hears you. It’s incredibly hard to find someone who matches your intelligence and fabulous looks to date. Dear reader, the world is too big to believe all the “good ones are gone.” RelatnshpGuru‘s stance on dating is pretty straight forward. It’s how we choose what we like in mates and what we don’t like. Without testing the waters, how would we know whether we’d like to go for a swim? If we didn’t try new foods, how would we know we hella love friend plantains?

Get out there, readers. Leagues are an evolutionary trick to make healthier immune systems. Don’t let them overrun your dating life! Be open to all possibilities. More often than not, it’s the possibility you didn’t see coming that makes you the happiest..

Yours,

RelatnshpGuru

Terribly sorry, my dear forgiving reader!

In the mean time, RelatnshpGuru has been scouring the globe for you! New topics are a-brewing and your feedback/suggestions/rants/compliments are welcome.

Keep your eyes peeled, my sweets! We’re back in action!

For the first installment: He’s just NOT that Into You.

Well, RelatnshpGuru is just not into the book. Having read the short advicey-like comedy novel by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, RelatnshpGuru was thoroughly let down. Behrendt is most noted for writing for Sex and the City and some of his stand up comedy. That is exactly what is presented to us: a comedian’s perspective on dating. I don’t know about you, folks, but every comedian I’ve ever read about has nothing but relationship issues. I’ll be darned if I’m going to take advice from a person who tells jokes for a living.

Now, don’t get the Guru wrong, of course there are some aspects of dating that are completely laughable and if we can’t laugh at ourselves, what’s life about? However, the authors of HJNTIY present dating as a large game. A GAME. Granted there are some folks out there who live by the phrase, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” If anyone wanted to play Candyland, Scrabble or Pictionary, I’m sure they’ve have game night and invite their friends and gobble up some pizza. The Guru doesn’t know any person who actively would like to play mental or emotional games to find their mate. How good is that relationship if it’s built on nothing but continuous tactical moves and manipulation just so a player can get ahead. For RelatnshpGuru, this doesn’t fly. Relationships are built on trust, honesty and communication, not a game of Monopoly.

Behrendt and Toccillo tout HJNTIY reclaims a woman’s power in the dating game. Some of the advice the authors note in the book made RelatnshpGuru think long and hard. Do we want to present some of this material to women? Is this advice effective? Is it worth teaching fabulous women how to play a lifetime of games?

All in all, RelatnshpGuru was disappointed. However, take a read for yourself and see what you think. Perhaps games are the way to go, but over here at the Guru’s stand, being yourself and letting go are what dating is all about.

Yours,

RelatnshpGuru

That said, RelatnshpGuru has noticed more and more Gen Y’ers are tying the knot! Congratulations, love birds, RelatnshpGuru wishes you nothing but the best in happiness and luck!

Now, to the nitty gritty. The Singles in the aftermath of wedding fever. The folks for whom the proverbial church bells have not tolled for yet. Bleh. I think that sums up some of the Gen Y’ers disdain.

Fear not, dear readers, it’s not as bad as you think. Though more and more of us are ushering our friends out of the Single herd and into wedded bliss, the Single breed is not going the way of the Dodo just yet.

There are more Singles out there nowadays for Gen Y to choose from. Online dating has created quite a buzz in matching compatible folks. Volunteering your time is another way to get out there and meet other singles. There’s a wide array of things to try to catch a wave in that sea of plenty fish. Try a new hobby, new activity or join a group of singles out doing some group activities.

However, there are some Gen Y’ers that are more than happy with their Single status. To these folks, RelatnshpGuru says, “Keep it up, do you, enjoy life and all it has to give!” Being Single has a truckload of perks that go along with it, so don’t rule out taking some time away from the dating world to give yourself some well deserved TLC.

All of this being said, Generation Y is not thinning out the herd. Generation Y is simply growing up. The phases will come and go, like all chapters of life, it’s just a matter of making the best of it!

Yours,

RelatnshpGuru

Welcome to the world of dating! Perhaps it’s time you try online dating. Online dating is becoming more and more popular with singles of all ages.

Some of the pros to online dating include relative anonymity, pre-face to face information via profiles and even professional evaluative matching services. Some downfalls happen, too. Some sites don’t screen their members, some sites cost quite a bit and who knows if these people are honestly filling out their surveys and profiles. However, RelatnshpGuru feels the benefits outweigh the pitfalls.

With your own safety in mind, joining an online dating service can, at the least, be a great networking tool. Keeping an open mind, look at online dating as a means of getting yourself out there, practicing dating techniques (like conversation, dating etiquette and effective communication) and experiencing life’s bounty. Exercise some smarts, though.

1. Create yourself a separate email address to sign up with. If, for whatever reason, a certain match does not work out, they do not have access to your private email. Mind you, when you sign up, be sure to not include your full name in the outgoing address. There may be a million John Smiths, but all it takes is the name JohnSmith@gmail.com and an IP address to track you. Plus, it never hurts to have a junk address to send all those silly newsletters and such to, right?

2. Don’t share too much too soon! Get to know who you’re talking to before sharing very intimate details. Afterall, they may have been matched to you, but that doesn’t mean they can be trusted with your bank account immediately.

3. Should you decide to meet your match, please, please, PLEASE do this safely. Needless to day, go to public places, let friends know where you are, have emergency cash should you need to catch a cab out of there and if your gut says, “There’s something fishy,” better to trust it than have anything happen.

4. Enjoy yourself. The world is full of interesting people. There’s no need to restrict your options to your local bar or club. The worst that could happen is that it doesn’t work out, but alas, since you’re such a savvy dater, you’ve got other matches waiting in the wings.

Get out there and date, folks!

Yours,

RelatnshpGuru

Dating, relationships,  life, love and everything in between. It’s all game for RelatnshpGuru.

Disclaimer: The Advice given here is by no means definitive for everyone. Please take the following advice as a different lens of perspective and not the be-all-end-all answers to your questions. The author intends to give a fresh new look on problems the readers present. Remember–you are responsible for your own actions, please make decisions that are appropriate for you. The author takes no responsibility for the reader’s actions regarding this column. If you feel that you need immediate help, please call 911 to speak to emergency services. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem–1.800.SUICIDE